The Game As I Saw It

The Seahawks yack yack important game yack yack yack and I was on Facebook and of course people had to share their excitement and joys and anguish so I decided to play along.


Interesting turn of fate with the unicorn being drawn for sacrificial beast to open today's game. Seemed like a good omen for the Seahawks as unicorns have blue blood. But unicorns are also the one land animal the sea goddess She'basatyr holds dear and as the unicorn's blood hit the Century Link stone they were reports of preternatural wave activity in Elliot Bay. She'basatyr is an old and powerful goddess and any steps taken by the Seahawks priests to appease her will have to be great. I wouldn't be surprised if a player is bound and weighted and dropped into Elliot Bay.

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Odds bodkins! The 49ers have brought their fire cloud serpent despite the the '00 Blood Pact setting the skies as "neutral within an average man's sight" when a game is being played! This does not bode well for the 23 unlucky Seahawks fan the fire cloud serpent will consume before returning to its bottle.

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Soothsayer Kenneth of Kent claimed several devotees of the Seahawks priesthood had brought holy firewine to Century Link Field and would drink it when the Seahawks first scored. But the lack of all consuming pillars of fire in the stands leads me to believe Kenneth's informants were mistaken. Or perhaps the devotees might be trying to rally others to self sacrifice as in the Great Light of '97.

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Interesting brewings outside Century Link Field...The team witch covens, the Seattle Sea Alls and the San Francisco Foretell Niners,* have decided yet again that men in general are the problem and are not casting spells for either team but for all women attending today's game. Way to go, gals!

*Per the '00 Blood Pact witch covens aren't allowed in stadiums. Food vendors claimed they had no way of knowing for sure that the cauldrons wouldn't be used to make and sell soups and stews to fans.

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Gormenorm the gnome picked a bad day to walk past Century Link Field. Seahawks fans mistook Gormenorm's naturally green hair and beard as a sign of fan devotion and bore the three and a half foot gnome into the stadium where he was passed about like a beach ball for five minutes before managing to escape. Of course anyone who touches Gormenorm without just cause is cursed, but the curse is a mild one, generally just a year's worth of warts or an outbreak of skin lesions that clear up in a month or so.

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Sea goddess She'basatyr seems definitely angered about a unicorn being sacrificed before the game. Reports have come in of a dozen or more yachts at the Elliot Bay and Shilshole marinas being destroyed by "heretofore unknown apelike creatures with tentacles for arms and fish tails." Sounds kinda of cool if you're not a yacht owning millionaire.

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To appease the sea goddesses She'basatyr's anger over a unicorn being sacrificed before the game geomancer Thomas Shane has been called to Century Link Field to transform the unicorn blood into diamonds which will be cast into Elliot Bay. This will of course nullify the sacrifice which means all people attending today's game should make a personal sacrifice as soon as they possibly can. (Per the '00 Blood Pact the NFL will not make a Sacrifice Fee refund on ticket prices.)